Burpee - from a standing position, squat to the floor, push your legs out
behind you, bring them back in and jump up in the air, in one, fluid motion.
Besides improving your agility and strengthening all of your muscles, this
will induce vomiting in the very drunk, allowing you to sleep without bed
spins and improve your odds of being in class for your final tomorrow.
Squats - with your arms extended and legs shoulder-length apart, bend your
knees to a squatting position. This will help build up your thighs and will
also assist you in assuming the subservient pigmy pose required by the
ladies who work in the dean's office and who have the power certify your
records for graduation.
Plank - lay facing the ground, with your body elevated on your toes and
elbows, while keeping your back straight and body parallel with the floor.
This will not only strengthen your core, but will get you used to the
"doormat" pose that you will need to assume with your new boss.
Jumping Jack - simultaneously spread your legs and clap your extended arms
above your head, then bring them down and back up in rapid succession. This
will improve circulation and is the only way to hail a taxi at 6pm on a
weekday on 5th Avenue.
Bicep Curls - while holding something heavy, curl your hand toward your
bicep slowly and uncurl away from your body slowly. Repeat 200 times. If the
"something heavy" is a piece of dirty clothing from your apartment floor,
this will not only build your arm muscle, but will result in a clean
apartment.
Crunches - lay on your back, with your hands behind your head,
simultaneously pull your knees and elbows toward your abdomen, hold and then
release. Repeat 10 rapidly. This is said to build your abs, but is most
useful as practice for the Chicken Dance, which you will soon be performing
at the wedding of your freshman year roommate.
Class of 2014, we salute you. Now go set the world on fire.
behind you, bring them back in and jump up in the air, in one, fluid motion.
Besides improving your agility and strengthening all of your muscles, this
will induce vomiting in the very drunk, allowing you to sleep without bed
spins and improve your odds of being in class for your final tomorrow.
Squats - with your arms extended and legs shoulder-length apart, bend your
knees to a squatting position. This will help build up your thighs and will
also assist you in assuming the subservient pigmy pose required by the
ladies who work in the dean's office and who have the power certify your
records for graduation.
Plank - lay facing the ground, with your body elevated on your toes and
elbows, while keeping your back straight and body parallel with the floor.
This will not only strengthen your core, but will get you used to the
"doormat" pose that you will need to assume with your new boss.
Jumping Jack - simultaneously spread your legs and clap your extended arms
above your head, then bring them down and back up in rapid succession. This
will improve circulation and is the only way to hail a taxi at 6pm on a
weekday on 5th Avenue.
Bicep Curls - while holding something heavy, curl your hand toward your
bicep slowly and uncurl away from your body slowly. Repeat 200 times. If the
"something heavy" is a piece of dirty clothing from your apartment floor,
this will not only build your arm muscle, but will result in a clean
apartment.
Crunches - lay on your back, with your hands behind your head,
simultaneously pull your knees and elbows toward your abdomen, hold and then
release. Repeat 10 rapidly. This is said to build your abs, but is most
useful as practice for the Chicken Dance, which you will soon be performing
at the wedding of your freshman year roommate.
Class of 2014, we salute you. Now go set the world on fire.